


Clownpiece

by PastaBucket



Series: Gensokyo Tea Festival (of Fridge Horror) [3]
Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Fridge Horror, Gen, Nightmare Fuel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 16:44:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18553732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastaBucket/pseuds/PastaBucket
Summary: The circus is coming to town, and its herald Clownpiece is here to prepare Gensokyo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is now finished.
> 
> Remember that my depiction of Clownpiece may differ from your depiction of Clownpiece, and that only Clownpiece can determine what is truly heresy.

"Listen up, human residents of Gensokyo, for the fantastical show is about to begin!" The happy little fairy had fluttered around the village for a good long time, and had managed to gather the entire village as her crowd, when Reimu arrived.

"What show?", the villagers mumbled confused amongst themselves. "Who are you?"

"Why I'm the arbiter of right and wrong, don't you know?", Clownpiece proclaimed. "The messenger of the heavens! The holder of peace!"

Frowning, Reimu crossed her arms at her nonsense. At least the clown dress was appropriate. While she was a bit ashamed over her village, surely this jackass wouldn't be able to convince anybody of anything.

"...and I've been sent to spread the news that the circus is coming to town!", the fairy cheered while doing happy air loops to the captured buzz of her audience. "...but since you don't seem to even know who I am, and we visit only the best of towns, we need to get you in shape first, so pay attention! There will be prizes! Who among you is truly a good person?!"

As the villagers looked about amongst themselves, confused, Clownpiece continued her energetic speech. "The first sign of a good person, is that they will buy only the best of commercial brands, which we are happy to represent! Have you visited your local store today?! You can tell that it's a good store if they sell our brands! This concludes this day's announcement!"

A salespitch fairy? Reimu gathered that she really must be from out of town, that audicious outfit aside.

Still, when the audience dispersed, it did so with a strange sense of belief in her words, as if they had struck a chord in them.


	2. Chapter 2

As Reimu made her way home, she decided that she didn't like it. The fairy was already the talk of the town, and Reimu had an uneasy feeling that her convictions could lead to trouble. Still, a circus couldn't be all bad.

Reimu stopped as she noticed that the front door to her shrine was open. A visitor! Reimu's mood suddenly improved a thousandfold and she hurried her steps.

Peering inside, she heard peaceful snoring.

"What the-?!"

What was that infernal fairy doing here?! She had left the village happy to know that she was getting away from that nuisance.

Reimu had to consciously unclench her fists and remind herself that the role of a shrine maiden was one of hospitality and tranquility. "Purity of heart... Purity of heart...", she chanted to herself, before taking a deep, calming breath.

It turns out that Reimu's exhale wasn't solemn enough, as the fairy stirred awake. Noticing that she wasn't alone anymore, she sparked to life with a cheerful energy that made her shoot up to Reimu in merely a heartbeat later. "Welcome ladies and gentlemen!"

"Please:", Reimu interrupted her. "If you're going to stay here, then at the very least keep it down. This is meant to be a peaceful place."

"I'm pleased to meet you.", the fairy smiled in an only slightly lowered voice. "I asked the villagers for a place to stay, and they directed me here. I'm looking forward to spend time with a native and partaking in your exotic culture."

"Exotic"? "Native"? Who did she think she was?

Unclenching her fists again, Reimu laid out the ground rules for her new guest.


	3. Chapter 3

"What the- What's going on?" Having arrived at the market square, Reimu stopped in her tracks to take it all in with overwhelming disbelief.

Almost every stall was in one way or another draped in that garish looking red-white-and-blue that Clownpiece wore, and their owners were in no bashful terms describing how their wares were genuine circus supplies. It would be a bit much to call it chaos, but it sure wasn't the peaceful market that Reimu had come to know.

This was getting out of hand. Clownpiece had left in the morning, before Reimu had woken up, but she would no doubt be back in the evening. They could talk then.

"Ladies and gentlemen!", Reimu heard a familiar shout ring out from down the street. That fairy sure had an inescapable voice. "This is an important service announcement!"

Reimu gathered with the other villagers to hear what the next step in the preparations would be.

"We are doing good!", the blonde fairy cheered in her strange accent. "No, we are doing even better than that: We are doing great, well on our way! Fantastic! I'm happy to see so many of you are good people!"

Sporadic cheers were heard from the audience all around Reimu.

"...but we are not entirely whole and united yet. I see that some here are resisting - refusing the good people brand." Clownpiece gave her audience a bewildered look. "I don't think they want the circus to come here!"

"This is stupid - a demeaning spectacle!", a defiant voice cried out from somewhere.

"Who said that?!", Clownpiece pouted. "That wasn't funny. We are good people, and we're doing this for the betterment and happiness of all of Gensokyo! Such audacity won't be tolerated by the circus."

Reimu really didn't like that change in tone, and neither did the townspeople around her. ...but after that nobody said anything. They didn't want to be called out as being against the circus.

"Well,", Clownpiece returned to her usual cheering self. "what we need, is to cheer eachother up. If you see somebody looking unhappy or sour, then don't hesitate to put a smile on their faces. ...and don't forget to be a good person and buy our brands! Become sponsored today!"

The crowd was applauding as Reimu left it. This didn't feel right at all.


	4. Chapter 4

"A circus?" Youmu gave the cheerful fairy a puzzled look. "...coming here?"

"That's right! You've been chosen as one of our exclusive destinations!"

"Sounds like fun.", Remilia smiled, her smile never really escaping the sadism behind it.

"Just remember to put on your happiest faces to ensure its arrival!", Clownpiece smiled with joy.

"How come I've never seen you around before?", Remilia asked her.

"I'm from out of town. ...from a land many thousands of kilometers away, where only good people live."

"A circus land?" Sakuya couldn't believe her ears either.

 

In her library, Patchouli took her eye off her telescope with a puzzled look on her face. "Huh. That's odd. There's something up there."


	5. Chapter 5

"Well, you sure are getting people riled up over this circus of yours.", Reimu remarked to her house guest.

"You wouldn't believe how much work it is to herald an entire circus.", Clownpiece admitted, but still managing to smile and chew food at the same time. "...but no matter how exhausting it is, in the end it will be worth it. Once the proper mood is set, people will be dancing in the streets - it's all in the circus spirit!"

"I'm just worried that you're demanding too much of them. You're asking them to change their way of life."

"Yes, I can imagine that it would be demanding to abandon your primitive way of life to embrace the progress of the future, but our fashion makes good people. Where I come from everybody is happy, and every day is circus day."

Her unyielding, obnoxious confidence was really rubbing Reimu the wrong way. "So when's the circus coming then?"

"Oh, it will be here any day now.", Clownpiece smiled. "It won't be long now."

 

 

Remilia looked at Patchouli with the palest expression that she'd ever seen. "You can't be serious."  
  
"I doublechecked by scrying.", Patchouli persisted. "...and by tomorrow, Gensokyo won't exist. It's as if it was erased from the world."  
  



	6. Chapter 6

 

"Ladies aaand gentlemen!", the ever cheerful voice of Clownpiece boomed out over the early morning of the human village. "This is a public service announcement! The circus is coming! I repeat: The circus is almost here, all the way from foreign lands!"

Slowly the villagers emerged from their homes, and began to gather around the energetic fairy.

"Looking at the market stalls, I see that we have done well! I'm so proud of us! Everyone's a good person, and therefor everyone's a winner!"

It was at this point when one of the crowd noticed something, and began pointing it out to the others: There was something in the sky, like a tiny speck in the distance.

"The circus will be here any moment now! Four minutes to be exact!", Clownpiece declared as the villagers began talking amongst themselves.

As Reimu arrived, she saw it too, and at the sight of it, something within her just began screaming with unimaginable dread.

"Everything will burn!", Clownpiece laughed with joy. "There will be nothing left of Gensokyo but ash! The circus will arrive in 10... 9..."

 

The small group gathered at the top of the hill and looked up at the sky.

"Such a small thing...", Remilia commented. "Hard to believe."

"Are you sure this will work?", Sakuya asked Patchouli.

"Not at all. ...but it's the only thing I could come up with."

She then kneeled down and undid the blindfold from Flandre. "Remember what I told you: Only eat the small black thing that's moving. Do not eat anything else."

"Ufufu...", Flandre chuckled.

 


	7. Appendix - Character Bio

Clownpiece - the herald of impending nuclear doom - is a Youkai manifested from the destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945, the global fear of nuclear weapons that followed, and the madness of M.A.D. (a "mad/clown peace").

Her personality embodies the tireless cheerful charm of US propaganda and commercials, mixed with a darker attitude of US superiority that embodies the related US colonialist occupation of Japan following the all but unconditional surrender in the shadow of the above mentioned nuclear bombs.

Clownpiece appears at a populated target destination at or around the time when a nuclear missile is launched. The circumstances of its launch can vary: If another country actually launches a nuclear missile, Clownpiece will appear as a consequence. However, if Clownpiece appears for other reasons, or spontaneuosly, an incoming nuclear missile will also manifest as a result of the very nature of Clownpiece (and will thereafter be very real).

To Clownpiece, everything blowing apart in a nuclear destruction, is a circus to be cherished. She doesn't really know other types of circuses, and would somebody describe a human circus version to her, she'd dismiss it as lame and silly.

Americanism is an ideological obsession to Clownpiece, mainly because she represents cultural occupation and assimilation, but also because nationalism and superpowers is part of her playful narrative. As mentioned in the story, she thinks that "American values" is the scale to measure the goodness and worth of a person with. Her extreme clown version of Americanism, can even go as far as national socialism, where she can drive people to turn on any minority that she deems to be "un-American" according to her traditionalistic whimsies, and while she does her best to keep any persecutions lighthearted, she's willing to go disturbingly far to achieve her American dream.

Clownpiece's abilities of persuasion, is both skilled and slightly supernatural, being able to sway common, weakminded people with ease. (Being a trained shrine maiden, or another youkai, helps to withstand that effect.) Her speech and shouting is supernatural as well - she can make herself perfectly audiable throughout an entire village, which she often does for her speeches.

Clownpiece's initial arrival is typically timed so that the target can be culturally converted into resembling a viable superpower ally target, by the time the nuclear missile arrives. Her propaganda and its often resulting ingroup hostilities, will typically keep her audience too distracted to look up at the sky too much, leading to them typically only getting the "Four-minute warning" associated with a real incoming missile during the Cold War era. Amazingly, Clownpiece is completely immune and unaffected by the nuclear fire, and will enjoy her deadly show until it's over.

Something still more horrifying about Clownpiece, is that she's near impossible to stop, since no matter what you do to Clownpiece, she's "just a messenger". The missile itself will still remain inbound, and it would take something like Yukari Yakumo sending it elsewhere, to really save the day.

...so if you see a little clown girl, get in the fastest transportation available to you, and just keep driving.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's my headcanon take on Clownpiece.  
> I don't really know how much of it is really canon. According to Zun, Clownpiece represents the US side of a Chinese-US war, and the final attack wave of her erupts into a mushroom cloud shape when she dies, so maybe I'm not too far off the mark here. In the end I don't really care if my depiction is accurate or not. The idea of something as horrific as nuclear war and its surrounding patriotic madness, manifested as a Youkai, just had to happen.  
>   
> It's also very liberating to not know Japanese, because then you can just listen to songs like these, and make up your own lyrics, while freely associating meanings from phrases like "Burn in hell! Countdown to Lunatic Time!":  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UubKYqEy3s  
> 


End file.
